SACRED MATRIX

LIFE AFTER POLYAMORY: Young and Beautiful, Someday Your Looks Will Be
Gone by Janet Kira Lessin
Facilitator-In-Chief, World Polyamory Association,
http:/www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com worldpolyamory@aol.com

I’m 57 now and my poly dreams are fading. Shattered. Yet I remain
eternally hopeful, optimistic yet realistic at the same time. I’m not
18 anymore. I have gray hair covered by blonde dye. My face is
beginning to sag. I have smile and laugh wrinkles around my baby blue
eyes and my mouth. When look down there’s this weird thing that
happens with my chin. I’ve put on weight with menopause. This past
year I almost died from gallstones. I suffer from arrhythmia,
allergies and asthma. My bones ache and Lord knows what other ills lie
beneath the surface.

But I’m blessed beyond belief for I am loved and have been loved by
some incredible people, male and female, some living, some dead. Each
year that passes more cross over. They are all, always with me. I’m
so fortunate that I have a husband, my best friend, lover, confidant.
We share everything–hopes, dreams, desires, heartaches, fortunes and
failures.

We married each other the first time we made love. We married a second
time at the Celebration of Eros Conference at Harbin Hot Springs,
Northern California in 1997 in front of 200 tantrikas. We married each
other again, legally at the Cupids Chapel in Las Vegas September 20,
2000. We marry each other again every New Years Eve on our deck
overlooking the Kahului Harbor in Maui while hundreds of fireworks
light the night sky. We are love incarnate, soul mates, twin flames,
eternally entwined, connected, one, love divine.

We find each other lifetime after lifetime. We are part of a larger
soul group that’s closely connected to an even larger soul group. We
all love each other unconditionally, know that we are one love, one
being with many arms reaching to the farthest parts of the cosmos. We
frequently reincarnate together in various configurations, changing
sex and relationships to more effectively expedite lessons and
accelerate our soul’s evolution. While my ego self may long for
connection, my soul knows I’m always one with all of you. My capacity
to love includes all of you and all beings, all life everywhere, here,
there and in the cosmos.

Who will come hold my hand, look in my eyes, stroke my hair, kiss my
cheek? That’s the mystery. Uknown. But simultaneously I am so blessed
to have dear Sasha forever at my side. My awareness now comprehends
that if ever we should cross the veil without the other, we remain
eternally connected. I suspect, however, that we’ll go together. And
the love we’ve shared with those we’ve been blessed to know has been so
incredibly awesome, a true gift. Even though our ego selves may have
reacted to one another in some extreme, sometimes bizarre ways,
underneath it all, we remember our oversoul’s purpose. We are wise.

2010 was a struggle, a choice for both of us to stay here, alive, in
this dimension, on blessed Gaia. We chose to remain, to share more
time, learn more, gather experiences, grow, expand, evolve our souls.
We journey out again to the mainland soon, to meet some of you, share
breath, life and a piece of our souls. I’m excited, apprehensive,
joyous, aware. Maybe some of you will recognize us, see the beautiful
children and the young man and woman that lies beneath our souls.
Maybe you’ll dare to care.

I love so much and remain open, polyamorous all my lives. I know there
are those capable of expanding love beyond magazine covers, runway
models, Hollywood images and superficial symbols. I am confident there
are those who embrace true intimacy, love and authentic relationships.
Love is far more than the temporary bodies we wear.

Sash and I laugh and say we are like the charpei dogs next door, each
passing year makes our skin sag and droop! But how our souls glow
beneath that laughter with our ability to love so deeply, so
completely. True, we were both once young and beautiful and yes, that
look is long gone. But now we shine with a different beauty, one of age
and wisdom. And those we love often come the say way! And amazingly
others of all ages see beyond and recognize beauty in whatever ever
form it comes and desire to join with us in sacred union. Together we
share our souls, body, love deeply, transcend our separate,
skin-encapsulated self sense and soar as one to touch the face of God
Source as she smiles, laughs and embraces her children who are all
parts of Her God/dess Self.

We look forward to meeting our soul mates – all of you. And who knows
which ones will feel inclined to join us in holy communion in our
tantric temple community ashram in Mother Maui, Hawaii? We remain
open, forever, totally devoted to love. We’re committed to the path,
certain of it’s perfection wherever it goes. We have no attachment,
content with the now, happy as it is and open to how it may be.

Janet Kira Lessin, author of “Polyamory, The Poly-Tantra Lovestyle, leads the
panel, “How We Do Poly” at the Harbin Hot Springs California Polyamory and
Tantra Conference July 29 – 31, 2011. Join her and a hundred other polys:
http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com

SWINGING TO POLYMORY: KINDNESS CLINE TO CONSCIOUS CONNECTIONS
by Janet Kira Lessin,
Center Holder, World Polyamory Association, http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com, worldpolyamory@aol.com

Polyamory and Swinging are on a cline, a polarity system with much in common
across the board and with a lot of interaction between the poles. Adventurers on
this new paradigm juggle emotions and ideas going up and down, back and forth to
eventually settle somewhere along the continuum that meets their needs, wants
and desires in each moment in time.

My husband and I are counselors specializing on the lifestyles. We often
recommend to those couples who’re just opening up their relationships that they
begin to explore polyamory by visiting a swing club or party where they begin
feeling what it would be like to share their lovers. As voyeurs, they watch how
other couples negotiate their relationships. They observe how couples first
express how they may want to share their partners then watch as they actively
interact with other people. This is an ideal way for couples to get their feet
wet.

Think of it this way. Swinging’s the fast track on the lifestyle highway. For
many the best thing to do is get out of their heads, quit analyzing things to
death, dive in, get wet, and feel what it’s like. Once you’re in there and
you’re soaked to the gills, come up for air and sort it out.

But you can only do this if you’re doing so with a good heart and agree going in
that you’re going to experience it to the max and commit to talking it out
afterwards. This is not a blame or shame thing. No manipulating, guilt-tripping
or controlling. You’re both doing this up front in a consensual agreement and
you discuss and commit to what you’re willing to do and experience before you go
to the party or club. And, you might also agree to seek professional help
afterwards if it proves to be too much for your egos and emotional well being.
But I think you’ll be fine as long as you’re conscious and aware going into this
experiment. Think of it as an adventure and it will be simply that.

Sexual intimacy seems to be far less threatening than emotional intimacy for
many. That’s probably why there are more swingers than polyamorists. Polyamory
requires emotional connection, which for many seems to be more sticky and
complex as it often activates deeply rooted emotional and psychological triggers
which may uncover intense areas of discomfort which could take some time to work
through and resolve.

While swinging’s main focus could be simply frolic and fun on a Saturday night,
polyamory may open a can of worms and destabilize one or more individuals in the
relationship. This destabilization could take days, sometimes even weeks or
months to resolve. With that in mind you may wonder why attempt polyamory at all
if it’s so difficult?

But it’s just like anything that’s hard, the rewards outweigh the intense
efforts. Those who create conscious polyamorous relationships can access a deep
level of joy and bliss that’s like no other. It’s like rediscovering a part of
ourselves, a way we once were when we lived in tribe and depended on one another
for our very survival. The connectiveness we feel in poly loving is like home,
Source, the loving oneness we feel when we return home to God/The Creator of
All.

I’m certain it doesn’t really completely compare to the Loving Oneness of the
All That There Is. But the feeling of loving more than one, the expansiveness,
freedom, joy and recognition of our ability to love endlessly resonates with
Universal Consciousness and that feeling of total completeness. To the best of
our ability while alive and in a physical body, loving more than one in
complete, total connection and intimacy is the closest thing to heaven one can
experience while still alive and living on the Earth plane.

As one who has experimented with the many different ways of being in
relationship, there are treasures in each choice.
I love the time I have alone with my husband. I get lost in the depth of
connection of monogamy, going deep with one person and knowing each other like
we know the backs of our own hands. The joy I feel brings tears to my eyes. My
heart swells. I feel a peace I’ve never known.

Yet, I’ve shared my body with more than one person at a time. I’ve had sex
without being in love and with just a little more than a sexual attraction for
that person. And I have to admit there was something about that state of
non-attachment that created a thrill. While that’s not my most favorite way of
being, in daring to experiment, I discovered the turn on that swinger’s feel and
developed a greater understanding for their perspective.

I’ve also shared both my body and my love with more than one person at a time. I
found that way of loving is rich, deep and every bit as rewarding as the time I
share alone with my husband in our monogamous moments. I feel wholeness, a
completeness that resonates with something old, familiar or beyond what I know
that is wondrous, desirous, intimate and pulls me towards it. I am drawn forward
to something that I imagine is greater than what I’ve already experienced, which
is pretty darned awesome. So I am excited by the possibilities. Yet it remains,
like the magical ring on a merry-go-round where my arms are too short and we’re
going to fast to grasp and take it as my own. I can’t, at this point in time,
quite get there.

I feel confused, perplexed, yet I realize the main difficulty I’ve had is
maintaining intense intimacy with more than one on an ongoing basis because I’ve
personally not been able to create an All-Chakra relationship with more than
just my husband. Yet, I’ve had many, successful sequential relationships. I am
perhaps a serial monogamist in a way. And most have ended for one reason or
another. But I want to succeed with something more. So I keep searching, going
within, diving into my soul then reaching out, exploring some more, feeling
intense emotions, some very painful, yet always driven forward, onward towards
that destination which I feel deep in my soul exists and is possible.

This is my third marriage. My husband and I have been together almost thirteen
years. We’re very stable with each other and comfortable with the status quo and
could be happy for the rest of our lives just as things are. I know that sounds
illogical, conflicting. Yet both are true. I could remain here just as we are or
experience what is yet to be. I am unattached to the outcome yet feel in my
bones I’m but an infant, I’ve just begun and the road is long, full of wonder
and many great things.

I’m seeking those who want to share on all levels. I have one All-Chakra
relationship with my husband, which means we relate in all ways on all energy
centers. Most people relate only on one or two or a few chakra levels. For
example, they may connect sexually and emotionally. But they don’t want to live
together. Or maybe they have different spiritual or political beliefs. Perhaps
they’re intellectually incompatible. Maybe they want to live in different parts
of the world. Maybe they differ in their desires for children. Or perhaps they
want children, but have different moral systems and ideas on how to raise them.
Their lives become about compromise.

Perhaps things become more about withholds and resentments over time.
While relationships which are founded on connections with a few chakras, may
work, I personally find that All-Chakra relationships are far more fulfilling.
Since I’ve created one, I now am perhaps spoiled and desire to create more than
one. Maybe it’s impossible.

Who knows? But I am open to the experiment and so I put it out there for the
Universe to deliver if it’s for the highest good of those who chose to
participate.

In our All-Charka relationship addressing our base chakra, my husband and I
support one another financially, emotionally and psychologically. We share life
and all our resources. We balance our internal masculine and feminine energies
through working through the difficulties we encounter in our relationship. We
take personal responsibility for our part in our contra tamps and resolve to do
better in the future. We express our wants, needs and desires, make behavioral
requests, settle on behaviors we can both agree to without giving up our
personal integrity and move through life to the next challenge which we realize
helps us define ourselves in relationship to one another. We recognize that
life’s challenges are gifts that help us determine who we are in the world and
focus more intently on what we wish to accomplish in our short dance on this
planet.

We share love, make love, give each other orgasms, make our lives blissful and
orgasmic by sharing sexually. We balance chemicals, release toxins, heal disease
and negativities, create maximum health and harmony. We set aside all other
things and create time for sharing love and sharing energy so that energy runs
through all our chakras and throughout our bodies releasing harmful emotions .
Our lovemaking allows us to access universal consciousness and divine bliss
through orgiastic states and kundalini rising.

We empower one another to be our best and to remember what we need to do to
fulfill our soul’s destiny. We discover why we were born and help one another
accomplish the goals our souls created for our life’s journey through this plane
of existence.

We continuously move energy through our hearts, recognizing our loving
connection and the warm, intense feelings that reside there as we love each
other totally, unconditionally to the best of our human ability. We do this by
learning how to both give and receive love as we recognize that humans need to
feel both in order to feel complete.

We commit ourselves to transparency and our own personal reprogramming and
healing. Through our interactions and ongoing therapy we learn how to
constellate our own Inner Mothers, Fathers and Lovers through Imago and other
psychological processes. We use these tools to work through our parental
imprints we learned at our Mother’s breasts and take personal responsibility for
our own programming/reprogramming, cultural conditioning and religious
programming. We learn how to become emotionally mature and stop projecting our
stuff on to one another. We are accountable for our own mistakes and
shortcomings, refrain from blame and shame while learning how to navigate
through life with integrity.

We communicate consciously (as best we can), speak kindly with love. When we
forget, we gently remind each other and return to loving tones, energy, body
language and vibratory frequencies that harmonize and soothe each other.

We encourage our vision centers to create situations that serve one another and
all humanity, allowing us and the world to live and love in peace. We envision
our connection to the world and the Universe, remember that we are always
connected and that the illusion of separateness exists so that we can create
diversity and experiences. We realize that harming each other or anyone is like
chopping off our own hands and plucking out our own eyes. We dedicate our lives
to ahimsa, do no harm and return to love whenever we falter, get back on the
path whenever we are lost. We know that we can only get there together and
through loving oneness we are ultimately self serving. There’s no true altruism.
There’s only Self and that self includes all that there is.

So for myself, I seek those who are willing to share not only resources, sex and
love, but those who are willing to do life together, and that includes doing the
daily dull drums of life, along with its convoluted complexities guaranteed to
drive one mad, or at least to the point where arguments erupt. It’s easy to be
sweet with one another.

But even perpetual sweetness can become sickingly sweet. It’s not real. It’s
fake. It’s far better to be authentic, put all your cards out on the table, do
what it takes to get over it, move past the facades and embrace life fully,
including getting to know one another and more importantly, realizing who you
are by the feedback life delivers.

It’s far more difficult yet ultimately rewarding to be totally authentic with
all emotions, including the negative ones, and remain free of judgments and the
tendency to reject and run away. Yet to witness all in a multiple person
relationship structure or pod, with all its mirrors reflecting back, allowing
the expression of all emotions, including the difficult ones, creates the growth
necessary for transcendence. As we move to the point where each member can
accept, love, emphasize with and embrace their own disowned parts that are
projected out into the beloved who stands before them, is to transcend our
individuated, separate self sense, merge consciousness and KNOW that we are ONE
being expressing lives in separate bodies.

So to come full circle, many who try swinging switch to polyamory after a while
because they do tend to find friends and develop true relationships. But even
that’s not set in stone because life’s more complex than that. As people come
and go in our lives, be it in monogamous relationships or other open style
relating systems, we learn and grow from the experiences we have and as we
change, what we want and need changes with the cycles of our lives.

We find there are seasons, times to be alone, times to be in intimate
relationships and as life unfolds and people come and go, either through
breaking up and making up or perhaps through the most final way to leave, death,
we individually must redefine ourselves and make new choices and decisions all
along the way.

I had to face death, the ultimate, most painful of all separations recently when
my husband became very ill and almost died. Needless to say, that didn’t feel
good on many, many levels. But what I realized from that experience is that
personally I like polyamory because I don’t like being alone very much. Dealing
with the death of a loved one has got to be easier to deal with if you have more
than one partner with whom to share your grief.

Yet, because of my life’s path I can understand the entire spectrum of the
Poly/Swinging continuum. I’ve had a half dozen or so major relationships, three
of which resulted in marriages with a couple other live-in situations sans
certificates. I found my marriages and live-ins to be the most rewarding of all
my relationships, while at the same time the most challenging.

Living together is definitely the hardest. Having sex then leaving to manage the
daily business of life is less complicated but somehow, to me personally, not as
rich. Episodes just don’t do much for me. I need connection, continuity. When it
comes down to it, it’s all about personal preferences. Any way you chose to do
life is fine as long as you do it with dignity and a desire not to harm others.

From this point in time and my current perspective, I don’t get why people
meddle in others’ lifestyles and judge, look down their noses at other’s choices
and seem to think they’ve figured it all out and their shit doesn’t stink. It
doesn’t make sense. Life’s so rich, full, complete with a rich menu so diverse
and interesting. We need to eat it all to experience life fully.

My husband and I’ve counseled thousands, have seen many relationship born and
die and from what I observe, there are very few and far between functional
relationships. No matter what the relationship style, family structure or
orientation, statistically relationships fail across the board around the world.
I don’t think there are very many of us, rich, poor or from a particular
culture, country or religion who can honestly say they’ve found the way and the
light for creating relationships that enhance and enrich every member of the
relationship or in the family structure. It seems that someone in a family or
relationship always seems to struggle or suffer at the expense of others.

Alternative relationships exist and always have existed. Trying to fit everyone
in the world into one relationship mold serves no one and doesn’t respect
consciousness and our God-given free will as co-creators with Source. Judge not.
Emphasize with and feel our global family. It’s time to take a long, hard look
at how humans relate and make some major changes. Somewhere there’s a mixture of
free-will and human rights that respects consciousness, honors diversity, women,
minorities and physically challenged and encourages choice which allows each and
every one of us to live out our lives in dignity, grace, beauty and peace.

Janet Kira Lessin, Chief Focalizer of the World Polyamory Association, is a
featured presenter at the annual Harbin Hot Springs California Polyamory Conference
(http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com), July 29 -31, 2011.
email: worldpolyamory@aol.com, janetlessin@gmail.com