We chaired the first-ever congressional hearing focused on repealing the discriminatory Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), bringing us even closer to restoring the rights of all lawfully married couples to receive the full benefits of marriage under federal law.
Now, on the heels of our successful hearing, we’re rallying the American people to join the 145 congressional co-sponsors who are on the record in support of repealing DOMA, in an effort to win over the support of our colleagues who are still on the fence.
We respect marriage — for all Americans, including same-sex couples. Will you stand with us? [POLYS DEMAND THE RIGHT TO PLURAL MARRIAGE TOO. LET SENATORS LEAHY & COONS KNOW WE CLAIM THE RIGHT TO MARRY MORE THAN ONE - Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com]
Click below to sign on as a Citizen Co-sponsor of our DOMA-repeal legislation at WeRespectMarriage.com.
We’ve got lots of momentum behind us. In fact, a majority of Americans — 53 percent — now believe same-sex couples deserve the same right to marry as everybody else.
So when the Obama administration announced it would no longer defend the discriminatory Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in federal court earlier this year, we went a step further and co-sponsored the Respect for Marriage Act to completely repeal DOMA — which President Obama officially endorsed.
Then, just last month, this growing public acceptance — and the persistence of the pro-equality community — persuaded a bipartisan majority of legislators in New York to approve same-sex marriage legislation, after previously rejecting it.
Nevertheless, until we repeal DOMA, federal law will continue treating gays and lesbians unequally. That’s wrong — and we need to do something about it.
Justice delayed is justice denied, and for those lawfully wedded same-sex couples who have been denied the full federal recognition we both enjoy in our own marriages, the Respect for Marriage Act is long, long overdue.
That’s why — even if you’ve already contacted Congress or spoken out against DOMA — it would mean so much if we could publicly list your name as a Citizen Co-sponsor of our legislation to right this terrible wrong.
It’s often said that the wheels of justice grind slowly, but we’re teaming up to pick up the pace.
We hope you’ll join with us.
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The 2011 World Polyamory Association Conference is July 29-31, 2011 at Harbin Hot Springs, N. CA. Join the choice movement. Attend one of our conferences, seminars or events to show your support for relationship freedom. www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com
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Loving Thy Neighbor: I have SEX WITH THE COUPLE NEXT DOOR. Should I tell my kids about it? by Emily Yoffe firstname.lastname@example.org. From Dear prudence: Advice on manners and morals in
Slate Magazine for June 23, 2011
I am a widower in my mid-50s with three grown children and many grandchildren. My wife died 10 years ago, and three years ago I moved into a new house. I hit it off very quickly with my next door neighbors “Jack” and “Diane,” a married couple in their late 30s with a now-7-year-old son. Our relationship soon became sexual and we are a three-member “couple.” Their son, whom I love dearly, has his own bedroom at my house and calls me “Uncle.” The problem is my youngest son recently lost his job, is in terrible financial straits, and has asked if he, his wife, and two young children can move in with me! I haven’t told any of my children about my unconventional relationship. My wife and I had a happy marriage, and we raised our children in a normal, loving home. Yet when I met the couple I am with, everything seemed to flow so naturally that I didn’t give it a second thought until now. Turning away my son in his time of need isn’t an option, but breaking off my relationship isn’t an option either. Should I keep the whole thing under wraps while my son and his family are here? Jack and Diane think I should be upfront and tell my son, but then everyone would know about this. Most people wouldn’t understand, and frankly it would be humiliating!
Can’t Stop This Thing I Started
Now that Big Love is off the air, I hope HBO considers the possibilities of a series called Uncle Bob, which tackles both polyamory and the burgeoning social trend of broke adult children returning home. Since you’re a loving father who won’t turn away his son, you lay out clearly your three options for how to proceed: put your threesome on ice; sneak around; come clean. But since you say you’re unwilling to temporarily retire from your trio, that’s out. And, frankly, your grown son’s financial debacle shouldn’t require you to put the kibosh on your romantic life, however odd. Sneaking around may seem like a possible solution, but consider how that’s going to work. Announcing, “I’ll be staying over the neighbors’ for a few nights so that all of you can have the house to yourselves!” is only going to raise suspicions, especially since little Jack Jr. has his own bedroom at your place. I’m afraid I agree with Jack and Diane: The best course is for you to tell your son. This means explaining that, unlikely as it may beand no one is more surprised about this than youyou are in a relationship with the couple next door. Obviously, say you aren’t going to go into the mechanics of this set-up, and you intend to protect his kids, as you are protecting the couple’s child, from the details of your intimacy. (I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that you are.) Explain that you are only revealing this aspect of your personal life because privacy is going to be at a premium, but you hope he can discreetly accept your situation. Sure, it will be a shock, but ultimately news of your personal arrangements pales in comparison with being in financial freefall. How sly of you to choose Jack and Diane as pseudonyms for your friends. John “Cougar” Mellencamp may have sung about a similarly named pair: “Oh yeah life goes on/Long after the thrill of living is gone.” But your Jack and Diane have found that a once-lonely grandfather is the way to bring back the thrill.
Learn more about polyamory, how to make it work win-win for all, meet and celebrate with potential new lovers: Harbin Hot Springs California POLYAMORY CONFERENCE July 29-30. 808 244-4103
POLYAMORY INTERNET VIDEO: Ask_Dr_Helen/Threesomes,_Foursomes or_More!__Why_Multiple_Partners_Can_Be_Great with Janet Kira Lessin & Sasha Lessin, Ph. D.
POLYAMORY: PATH TO ETERNAL MARRIAGE by Janet Kira Lessin
Does monogamy lead to divorce? Monogamy is conditional love full of requirements and restraints, pulling in reigns, restricting freedom, spontaneity and choice. But monogamy’s opposite, running wild, sewing oats, following every whim, seems to avoid intimacy. Intimacy takes time, connection and intensive sharing to be truly known, loved and accepted and give your lovers enough feedback to know themselves.
Unconditional love is a state of being, a feeling radiating from self towards another. If you set boundaries for self perservation and happiness, can you do so and still love unconditionally?
Polyamory, is the perfect middle path. Monogamy, polyamory, swinging, BDSM, fetish, gay, bi, lesbian, all paths have rules, regulations and ways of being, mindsets that lets souls open to love by recognizing human frailty, acknowledging it and loving despite it all
Yet love and involvement differ. Healthy individuals set firm psychological emotional and physical boundaries which show that they love themselves first and foremost and won’t tolerate abuse and disrespect.
Souls are naturally polyamorous. After life we remember our oneness and reunite with our soul mates, our soul family. We’ve shared and loved in every imaginable way. We’ve been male and female, mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, aunt, uncle, cousin, friend, boss, employee, husband, wife, lover, enemy to each other over and over, lifetime after lifetime, throughout eternity. We’re not only polyamorous, we’re also incestuous. And through this flow, mixing and matching, loving and hating and feeling all emotions humanly possible, we learn how to love totally, completely, unconditionally.
Since we came through the veil, assumed human form and forgot who we truly are, love feels more conditional. But somewhere in the middle of this co-created dream, some of us wake up and remember who we really are–soul mates. We are soul mates with many souls with whom we interact, share many lives and are deeply, interconnected. We also have a primary soul mate who is our twin flame, our split-apart, created at the same moment in time and is our other half (think of the yin/yang symbol). All our beloved soul mates are equally important. All are one with GodSource and us and each other.
Sometimes we meet and mate and sometimes we do not even incarnate together. Sometimes we incarnate at the same time and never meet. And sometimes we incarnate together and never do figure out how to get along. All decisions to interact, our path in life and destiny are pre-determined by us with the help of our friends, guides, council and our soul family. Within that formula for our lives are variables to the theme. So nothing is set in stone. We are at choice in every moment.
Egos, personalities are different than souls. Souls have eternal awareness of love and use physical incarnations as opportunities to learn lessons necessary for the evolution of our souls and for the progression of he entire human species and the evolution of consciousness for all beings in creation and in all the multi-verses.
Sometimes for some of the lessons we do not incarnate with any of our soul mates or our twin flame. Now that’s a rough life. But for the most part, we come together, some if not all of us, lifetime after lifetime.
Spiritual evolution is why we chose to incarnate and experience life in the first place. Remembering who we are, waking up in the dream and progressing as a soul to the point where we can find our soul mates and learn how to love unconditionally is the way to bring heaven to earth.
We are in actuality engaged in a form of eternal marriage in a group of souls with whom we mix and match in all possible combinations till we get it. Love IS. Form is inconsequential.
And yet, yes, in life we meet, mate, love, have sex, father, give birth, mother, experience it all, love, die, return after love, experience joy, hurt, pain and suffering and remember our oneness.
In death there is clarity of our true nature and interactions with all souls. There we realize the depth and complexity of our dance. Here we can learn how to remember by following our hearts.
Using polyamory coupled with maturity and learning how to navigate the waters and recognize eternal love, we can overcome the limitations of the ego, frailties of the human psyche and love our souls mates and include physical love if that so moves us.
I am eternally married to my soul mates. I have been blessed to meet and marry my twin flame, my primary soul mate and several of my soul mates. Individually and collectively Sasha and I have loved other soul mates and dear ones. We recognize that some of our individual soul mate connections apply to both of us. In other words, some of his soul mates are my soul mates and vice versa even though one of us may have felt a stronger connection to a soul mate than the other.
All are Beloveds whether or not our egos were capable of working out the dynamics and overcoming cultural conditioning and religious and family-of-origin programming. Despite it all and because of it all, we love, totally, completely, unconditionally.
Yet part of me longs to reunite with all my soul mates. Ideally the challenge is to do it here, on Earth, in physical form. That would be an epiphany, so cool, so groovy if Sasha and I could actually meet and marry our soul mates. It would be bliss if we could recognize, while incarnated in the flesh, that which exists eternally. Heaven on Earth. Now that would be enlightenment.
Maybe some future life. Perhaps soon with all the earth changes and economic collapse we’ll recognize what’s really important rather than going more and more unconscious and turning on one another like dogs fighting over a bone. Wouldn’t it be nice to go through life with dignity and grace and support each other through thick and thin, for better or worse, each committed in life to take feedback and correction and commit to our eternal family, and all its members with whom we are eternally married? Wouldn’t it be lovely if we would commit, that here, now, in this incarnation that we’re going to get the lessons we came here to learn and do it right?
In many ways we’re eternally married to all of us. But we operate under the rules of physicality which includes rules of time and limitations. So realistically, maybe all we can do is focus on our family, our circle of friends and beloveds. And maybe this time our soul family hasn’t chosen to all incarnate together. But then again, who knows?
Perhaps they have and this is all a test we’ve designed for ourselves to learn how to truly love. Ultimately it doesn’t matter one way or the other because eternally we’re one, we love all and everyone, in fact every thing. So like the 60s song, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”
Notice attractions. That’s your clue. Recognize those with whom you have strong bonds, karma, interactions, intensity, critical incidents, good or bad. That’s probably your soul family.
Make amends. Do charitable and corrective actions. Send love. If your loved ones are dead, talk to their spirits. They can hear you for they are now much wiser and have learned much.
I highly recommend that if you’re involved with someone and feel love and attractions towards another or others, negotiate a new contract with your beloved. Learn how to expand your horizon to include all your beloveds because as souls you’re doing it. You can do it here too. But it will take a lot of work, sometimes intense, extreme work to overcome your programming, face your fears, negativity and projections.
But if you do, you will grow exponentially. I know because that’s the path I’ve chosen. And while it may not have always been conscious, my soul, my ancient, wise soul guided my scared, wounded, Inner Child and human heart until now, I know the beauty of unconditional love. And I do love you all.
I will find my soul family, dead or alive, incarnate or in spirit, for I know we love one another eternally in an eternal marriage. For now, I write to you. I know we are forever connected and in the almost seven billion souls now incarnated, somehow some of us will find each other. I’m not sure if you’re male or female, young or old. But hopefully some of you are just the “right age” for sexual loving to be legal and that we choose to commit to follow our hearts. I pray we work out the dynamics of the ego to create a sacred marriage, a reflection of our eternal love of our hearts and souls, heaven made manifest on Earth.
Janet and her beloved Sasha run the World Polyamory Association with their partner, Dr. Dave Doleshal
This year’s conference is July 29-31, 2001.
Janet Kira Lessin
1371 Malaihi Road, Maui, Hawaii 96793
School of Tantra: www.schooloftantra.com, email@example.com
Temple of Tantra: www.templeoftantra.org, firstname.lastname@example.org
Sacred Matrix: www.sacredmatrix.com, www.meetup.com/sacred-matrix, www.sacredmatrix.ning.com
808-244-4921 office, 808-214-3442 cell
I’M POLYAMOROUS by Janet Kira Lessin
This is my official declaration that I’m polyamorous. I’m polyamorous and I’m in
love with everyone. Yet I realize that love and involvement are two different
things, time is limited and relationships are complex, complicated and if
personalities don’t match, chaotic. So I must be selective.
I love myself, so I chose to be involved with those who’ll love and respect me.
I don’t always succeed in surrounding myself with those who treat me nice, so I
constantly fine-tune life adjusting those with whom I’ll permit in my personal
space. I’m learning about boundaries which I didn’t have for the most part in
the first half of my life due to abuse and programming.
Since my heart is huge and my chakras wide open, people project their disowned
selves on me and the good, bad and ugly, so I get a lot of drama and intense
emotions coming my way from others and elicited from my being. As a result, my
life is rich, intense and full. And complicated.
I’m a tantra teacher and psychotherapist specializing in relationship counseling
which creates a life so full of potentiality and possibility, I am in awe and at
the same time very busy.
My studies, therapy, internal processes, meditation, practice and self
reflection have led me to a state of samadhi, enlightenment. Yet as I write
those very words that I am enlightened (full of light), I judge myself and
attempt to censor my words and say to myself, “How can you be so vain?” And as I
criticize myself and call myself vain, Carly Simon’s song, “You’re So Vain”
plays in my head. Then I smile, laugh at myself for being human and I hear my
husband telling me, “Nothing in the human condition is alien to any of us.” I
realize the thoughts I think are probably thought by many of you. In the end I
decide to edit my words and now restate my revelation and say that I am
officially, “on the path.”
I realize I am enlightened in the aspect that I have obtained a state of grace,
an awareness and capacity to love each and every one of you totally, completely,
unconditionally. This state is a place we can all go to and eventually will get
to. From this level of awareness where we know we’re one, we’ll stop killing
each other, the animals, plants, environment, planet, water, land, air and
Earth. We’ll survive.
I woke up crying. Haven’t done that in years. It’s still dark. Only 5:30 AM.
I realize Jesus walked the world in this state of being in love with everyone
and everything. On one hand I’m not even sure of Jesus actually lived, was a
real person or just a mythical being, an archetype. On the other hand, I
remember an incarnation with Jesus. I was one of his wives and yes, he was
polyamorous. I died, pregnant, wasn’t able to give birth to his child. Once
again I want to censor my words. But I’ll just let them stand and reflect and
you can simply read them and digest, decide if they’re true or just judge that
Janet’s crazy or maybe on to something or on something or whatever. And that too
is ok because I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you all.
I wonder if this state of awareness will last. Will I still feel this way
My husband, dearest beloved one is so poly and in his 70s, almost 71 now and
he’s actually made love with hundreds, maybe even thousands. Some still living.
Many dead. But he told me years ago, 13 in fact when we met, that he loved
everyone he ever loved and made love with. And while I believed him, I just
couldn’t quite fully grok it at the time. But I took it in and decided to open
up my then blossoming, just being birthed poly self and began to explore opening
up my body, mind, soul and being to more love.
It scared the crap out of my Inner Child. And it opened me up to more judgment,
rejection, projection and the worst of all, criticism. But I experienced,
reacted, reflected, rejected, wiped my tears, collected my pride, picked up the
remnants of my self esteem, did my therapy on it all, and amazingly emerged
relatively whole and unscathed despite it all.
Ironically, at a point where I’m currently living more monogamously than I have
in my 20 years of actively exploring polyamory, I am aware that I’m more
polyamorous philosophically, politically and spiritually than ever before.
A part of me is licking my wounds and feeling rejected. I’ve gained weight, I’m
aging and I can’t afford a face lift. I’m lazy, busy and can’t seem to get to
the gym. I’m stressed, too busy while at the same time in love, ecstatic and
blissed out. What a schism. Yes, that’s me, my life–complex.
So in the midst of such emotional turmoil and joy, I met yesterday with my
husband, a friend of five years and two new people and we all had the most
interesting conversation I’ve been blessed to be a part of in years. Reflecting
back on the moment in my dream state, I realized that I was in love with all
those people at the same time. We talked about the state of the world, 2012,
Earth changes, ETs, the environment and the fate of the polar bears.
In my dream I realized I was in love with my world and all beings. And in the
discussion it was said that polar bears are doomed because the ice caps are
dissolving. They’re going, gone, as witnessed in person by the two new people in
the group, fresh off the plane from Alaska. The glaciers are gone! Global
warming IS. And I want my polar bears to survive.
We talked about how humans destroy eco-systems. My friend of 5 years sits on
some planning commission boards here in Maui and they’re planning a development
and have authorized a system where they’ll inject toxins deep within the Earth’s
core to create energy, power for this new development. They have no idea what it
will do to the environment, but it will allow them to build this upscale housing
plan and golf course for the ultra rich.
BUT THEY DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT THIS NEW ENERGY SYSTEM WHERE THEY INJECT TOXINS
IN TO THE EARTH WILL DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????
But…. it solves their immediate problem so they can build this ultra deluxe,
super rich gated community.
And I think of the polar bears….. and the kodiak bears they’ve begun to mate
with. And the whales, and the fish, and the coral reef. And I’m in love with it
all. And I wake up crying. And my mind is screaming–I’m in love, I’m in love,
I’M IN LOVE!
We also spoke of extraterrestrials and making contact and the techno fixes they
might have for humanity. And I’m reminded of Jesus and always looking outside
myself for the savior to come down from the heavens and rescue us poor humans.
Then I think of the plight of the polar bears and humanity’s part in pollution
and poor choices that will probably lead to all our demise.
While we spoke of waters rising which are now being documented daily, the news
catches up with our conversation and less than 24 hours after being spoken,
thousands die from an earthquake and the subsequent tsunami created in Japan.
And Maui citizens were propelled from their low lying and ocean front homes and
tourist and resident alike spent a night of hell, island-wide warning sirens
blaring every hour till dawn. Maui was barely touched. But it sure was one heck
of a wake up call.
Earth changes, pole shifts, global warming, earthquakes, sinking shores, rising
tides, it’s all real. It’s happening. Planning commissions here (and most likely
elsewhere) still plan ocean front communities and resorts knowing full well
those places are going to be under water in very short order and many living
there will be killed.
So I wake up crying, saying, “I’m in love.” Yes I love you. And it dawns on
me that I am now truly 100% polyamorous, in love with you all, with it all, all
beings, planets, galaxies, good, bad, ugly–it ALL!
I realize every single one of us can wake up and remember, just like me, in the
twinkling of an eye like they say in the Bible. And in that precise moment, when
we wake up, the insanity stops. For if we’re in love with everyone, all beings,
all things, we will stop hurting, destroying and killing.
So yes, I’m Princess Leia and it’s my job to save the world. While the Death
Star (Nibiru, Planet X) is coming heralding the Earth Changes, 2012 and we’re
all going to die, in the midst of it all, I, we, all realize, we’re all in love.
Leia loves Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Obiwan Kanobe, Yoda, C3PO, R2D2, Wookie and
Jabba the Hut and they love her. Even Darth Vader is Father, and he’s now good.
Trumpets blare and we all celebrate. In love with it all, all beings, the
galaxy, we love and preserve it all so we all have a place to live, love and
With the world saved since we now all love each other and the planet, we want
the best for all beings. Whew! Now I can focus on me.
Now that I love myself again, warts, wrinkles, weight and all, I can weigh my
options. Who will I have in my life and my bed?
I look down between my legs as I write in my journal and my new kitty purrs,
warming my soul. So my new lovers will have to love her, of course. And Sasha’s
my Soul Mate, Twin Flame and Primary. Through past-life and inter-life
regression therapy combined with tantra, we remember we’ve been together since
of dawn of time through hundreds of lifetimes. We like being partners, sharing
lives and lovers.
So any who love me will have to love Sasha for Sasha and I are such an integral
part of one another. He is in my consciousness every moment and I in his. We
take each other into consideration in all decisions as if we were one being with
two heads. Certainly our hearts are one. And we’re Siamese twins connected at
And I love this land, this incredible jungle paradise and my funky house that
requires so much love, care, maintenance and hard work. So those who love us
must surely love our Maui hippy home and will also love to work, toil the soil,
fix, repair and co-create conscious, sustainable community, a vision of Heaven
We await you, dear beloveds. We know you are there. We love you already. We know
you care. Will you awaken and evolve, so we desire to be involved? Will you love
enough to create a consensus reality where all are loved and feel it to the core
of their being? Think about it. Let us know. In the meanwhile, I’m in love. I
love you. I love it all.
Janet Kira Lessin, author of “Polyamory, The Poly-Tantra Lovestyle”, moderates
the panel “How We Do Poly” at the Harbin Polyamory & Tantra Conference July
29-31. See http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/
Janet Kira Lessin
1371 Malaihi Road, Maui, Hawaii 96793
School of Tantra: www.schooloftantra.com, email@example.com
Temple of Tantra: www.templeoftantra.org, firstname.lastname@example.org
Sacred Matrix: www.sacredmatrix.com, www.meetup.com/sacred-matrix,
REPEAL DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT 4 ALL MARRIAGES Sen. Leahy The right to marry has completed my life with Marcelle for 48 years, and I’m Unfortunately, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) interferes with the full Treating some Americans in state-sanctioned marriages as second-class citizens Now is the time to act. Last month Attorney General Eric Holder announced that the Justice Department I applaud President Obama and the Attorney General for reaching this decision, But DOMA remains the law of the land, and House Republicans want to force the Equal treatment under the law is a core American value. But because of DOMA, The Justice Department’s recent announcement puts us on the path towards fixing We cannot let this opportunity slip away. Thank you for taking action to fight for marriage equality. Sincerely, Patrick Leahy
proud that Vermont’s legislature was the first in the nation to grant that same
right to same-sex couples in 2009. Loving, committed relationships ought to be
encouraged — and they certainly should not be abridged by the federal
marriage rights several states have recently provided to same-sex couples,
denying some families equal treatment under federal law.
betrays our values, and it must end. That’s why Senator Dianne Feinstein and I
are introducing the Respect for Marriage Act to repeal DOMA and recognize these
committed relationships at the federal level — and I hope you’ll stand with us.
will no longer defend the constitutionality of DOMA in court on the grounds that
it denies married same-sex couples equal protection under the law.
which marks a significant step in the right direction.
government to defend it. It’s up to us to repeal it once and for all.
legally-recognized same-sex couples still cannot file a federal tax return,
receive spousal Social Security benefits, or take time off when their spouse or
children fall ill — among other benefits and privileges the federal government
typically grants to married couples.
this injustice, giving our cause the momentum we need to pass the Respect for
Marriage Act and assure all married couples equal treatment under federal law.
The right to marry has completed my life with Marcelle for 48 years, and I’m
Unfortunately, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) interferes with the full
Treating some Americans in state-sanctioned marriages as second-class citizens
Now is the time to act.
Last month Attorney General Eric Holder announced that the Justice Department
I applaud President Obama and the Attorney General for reaching this decision,
But DOMA remains the law of the land, and House Republicans want to force the
Equal treatment under the law is a core American value. But because of DOMA,
The Justice Department’s recent announcement puts us on the path towards fixing
We cannot let this opportunity slip away.
Thank you for taking action to fight for marriage equality.
LIFE AFTER POLYAMORY: Young and Beautiful, Someday Your Looks Will Be
Gone by Janet Kira Lessin
Facilitator-In-Chief, World Polyamory Association,
I’m 57 now and my poly dreams are fading. Shattered. Yet I remain
eternally hopeful, optimistic yet realistic at the same time. I’m not
18 anymore. I have gray hair covered by blonde dye. My face is
beginning to sag. I have smile and laugh wrinkles around my baby blue
eyes and my mouth. When look down there’s this weird thing that
happens with my chin. I’ve put on weight with menopause. This past
year I almost died from gallstones. I suffer from arrhythmia,
allergies and asthma. My bones ache and Lord knows what other ills lie
beneath the surface.
But I’m blessed beyond belief for I am loved and have been loved by
some incredible people, male and female, some living, some dead. Each
year that passes more cross over. They are all, always with me. I’m
so fortunate that I have a husband, my best friend, lover, confidant.
We share everything–hopes, dreams, desires, heartaches, fortunes and
We married each other the first time we made love. We married a second
time at the Celebration of Eros Conference at Harbin Hot Springs,
Northern California in 1997 in front of 200 tantrikas. We married each
other again, legally at the Cupids Chapel in Las Vegas September 20,
2000. We marry each other again every New Years Eve on our deck
overlooking the Kahului Harbor in Maui while hundreds of fireworks
light the night sky. We are love incarnate, soul mates, twin flames,
eternally entwined, connected, one, love divine.
We find each other lifetime after lifetime. We are part of a larger
soul group that’s closely connected to an even larger soul group. We
all love each other unconditionally, know that we are one love, one
being with many arms reaching to the farthest parts of the cosmos. We
frequently reincarnate together in various configurations, changing
sex and relationships to more effectively expedite lessons and
accelerate our soul’s evolution. While my ego self may long for
connection, my soul knows I’m always one with all of you. My capacity
to love includes all of you and all beings, all life everywhere, here,
there and in the cosmos.
Who will come hold my hand, look in my eyes, stroke my hair, kiss my
cheek? That’s the mystery. Uknown. But simultaneously I am so blessed
to have dear Sasha forever at my side. My awareness now comprehends
that if ever we should cross the veil without the other, we remain
eternally connected. I suspect, however, that we’ll go together. And
the love we’ve shared with those we’ve been blessed to know has been so
incredibly awesome, a true gift. Even though our ego selves may have
reacted to one another in some extreme, sometimes bizarre ways,
underneath it all, we remember our oversoul’s purpose. We are wise.
2010 was a struggle, a choice for both of us to stay here, alive, in
this dimension, on blessed Gaia. We chose to remain, to share more
time, learn more, gather experiences, grow, expand, evolve our souls.
We journey out again to the mainland soon, to meet some of you, share
breath, life and a piece of our souls. I’m excited, apprehensive,
joyous, aware. Maybe some of you will recognize us, see the beautiful
children and the young man and woman that lies beneath our souls.
Maybe you’ll dare to care.
I love so much and remain open, polyamorous all my lives. I know there
are those capable of expanding love beyond magazine covers, runway
models, Hollywood images and superficial symbols. I am confident there
are those who embrace true intimacy, love and authentic relationships.
Love is far more than the temporary bodies we wear.
Sash and I laugh and say we are like the charpei dogs next door, each
passing year makes our skin sag and droop! But how our souls glow
beneath that laughter with our ability to love so deeply, so
completely. True, we were both once young and beautiful and yes, that
look is long gone. But now we shine with a different beauty, one of age
and wisdom. And those we love often come the say way! And amazingly
others of all ages see beyond and recognize beauty in whatever ever
form it comes and desire to join with us in sacred union. Together we
share our souls, body, love deeply, transcend our separate,
skin-encapsulated self sense and soar as one to touch the face of God
Source as she smiles, laughs and embraces her children who are all
parts of Her God/dess Self.
We look forward to meeting our soul mates – all of you. And who knows
which ones will feel inclined to join us in holy communion in our
tantric temple community ashram in Mother Maui, Hawaii? We remain
open, forever, totally devoted to love. We’re committed to the path,
certain of it’s perfection wherever it goes. We have no attachment,
content with the now, happy as it is and open to how it may be.
Janet Kira Lessin, author of “Polyamory, The Poly-Tantra Lovestyle, leads the
panel, “How We Do Poly” at the Harbin Hot Springs California Polyamory and
Tantra Conference July 29 – 31, 2011. Join her and a hundred other polys:
SWINGING TO POLYMORY: KINDNESS CLINE TO CONSCIOUS CONNECTIONS
by Janet Kira Lessin,
Center Holder, World Polyamory Association, http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com, email@example.com
Polyamory and Swinging are on a cline, a polarity system with much in common
across the board and with a lot of interaction between the poles. Adventurers on
this new paradigm juggle emotions and ideas going up and down, back and forth to
eventually settle somewhere along the continuum that meets their needs, wants
and desires in each moment in time.
My husband and I are counselors specializing on the lifestyles. We often
recommend to those couples who’re just opening up their relationships that they
begin to explore polyamory by visiting a swing club or party where they begin
feeling what it would be like to share their lovers. As voyeurs, they watch how
other couples negotiate their relationships. They observe how couples first
express how they may want to share their partners then watch as they actively
interact with other people. This is an ideal way for couples to get their feet
Think of it this way. Swinging’s the fast track on the lifestyle highway. For
many the best thing to do is get out of their heads, quit analyzing things to
death, dive in, get wet, and feel what it’s like. Once you’re in there and
you’re soaked to the gills, come up for air and sort it out.
But you can only do this if you’re doing so with a good heart and agree going in
that you’re going to experience it to the max and commit to talking it out
afterwards. This is not a blame or shame thing. No manipulating, guilt-tripping
or controlling. You’re both doing this up front in a consensual agreement and
you discuss and commit to what you’re willing to do and experience before you go
to the party or club. And, you might also agree to seek professional help
afterwards if it proves to be too much for your egos and emotional well being.
But I think you’ll be fine as long as you’re conscious and aware going into this
experiment. Think of it as an adventure and it will be simply that.
Sexual intimacy seems to be far less threatening than emotional intimacy for
many. That’s probably why there are more swingers than polyamorists. Polyamory
requires emotional connection, which for many seems to be more sticky and
complex as it often activates deeply rooted emotional and psychological triggers
which may uncover intense areas of discomfort which could take some time to work
through and resolve.
While swinging’s main focus could be simply frolic and fun on a Saturday night,
polyamory may open a can of worms and destabilize one or more individuals in the
relationship. This destabilization could take days, sometimes even weeks or
months to resolve. With that in mind you may wonder why attempt polyamory at all
if it’s so difficult?
But it’s just like anything that’s hard, the rewards outweigh the intense
efforts. Those who create conscious polyamorous relationships can access a deep
level of joy and bliss that’s like no other. It’s like rediscovering a part of
ourselves, a way we once were when we lived in tribe and depended on one another
for our very survival. The connectiveness we feel in poly loving is like home,
Source, the loving oneness we feel when we return home to God/The Creator of
I’m certain it doesn’t really completely compare to the Loving Oneness of the
All That There Is. But the feeling of loving more than one, the expansiveness,
freedom, joy and recognition of our ability to love endlessly resonates with
Universal Consciousness and that feeling of total completeness. To the best of
our ability while alive and in a physical body, loving more than one in
complete, total connection and intimacy is the closest thing to heaven one can
experience while still alive and living on the Earth plane.
As one who has experimented with the many different ways of being in
relationship, there are treasures in each choice.
I love the time I have alone with my husband. I get lost in the depth of
connection of monogamy, going deep with one person and knowing each other like
we know the backs of our own hands. The joy I feel brings tears to my eyes. My
heart swells. I feel a peace I’ve never known.
Yet, I’ve shared my body with more than one person at a time. I’ve had sex
without being in love and with just a little more than a sexual attraction for
that person. And I have to admit there was something about that state of
non-attachment that created a thrill. While that’s not my most favorite way of
being, in daring to experiment, I discovered the turn on that swinger’s feel and
developed a greater understanding for their perspective.
I’ve also shared both my body and my love with more than one person at a time. I
found that way of loving is rich, deep and every bit as rewarding as the time I
share alone with my husband in our monogamous moments. I feel wholeness, a
completeness that resonates with something old, familiar or beyond what I know
that is wondrous, desirous, intimate and pulls me towards it. I am drawn forward
to something that I imagine is greater than what I’ve already experienced, which
is pretty darned awesome. So I am excited by the possibilities. Yet it remains,
like the magical ring on a merry-go-round where my arms are too short and we’re
going to fast to grasp and take it as my own. I can’t, at this point in time,
quite get there.
I feel confused, perplexed, yet I realize the main difficulty I’ve had is
maintaining intense intimacy with more than one on an ongoing basis because I’ve
personally not been able to create an All-Chakra relationship with more than
just my husband. Yet, I’ve had many, successful sequential relationships. I am
perhaps a serial monogamist in a way. And most have ended for one reason or
another. But I want to succeed with something more. So I keep searching, going
within, diving into my soul then reaching out, exploring some more, feeling
intense emotions, some very painful, yet always driven forward, onward towards
that destination which I feel deep in my soul exists and is possible.
This is my third marriage. My husband and I have been together almost thirteen
years. We’re very stable with each other and comfortable with the status quo and
could be happy for the rest of our lives just as things are. I know that sounds
illogical, conflicting. Yet both are true. I could remain here just as we are or
experience what is yet to be. I am unattached to the outcome yet feel in my
bones I’m but an infant, I’ve just begun and the road is long, full of wonder
and many great things.
I’m seeking those who want to share on all levels. I have one All-Chakra
relationship with my husband, which means we relate in all ways on all energy
centers. Most people relate only on one or two or a few chakra levels. For
example, they may connect sexually and emotionally. But they don’t want to live
together. Or maybe they have different spiritual or political beliefs. Perhaps
they’re intellectually incompatible. Maybe they want to live in different parts
of the world. Maybe they differ in their desires for children. Or perhaps they
want children, but have different moral systems and ideas on how to raise them.
Their lives become about compromise.
Perhaps things become more about withholds and resentments over time.
While relationships which are founded on connections with a few chakras, may
work, I personally find that All-Chakra relationships are far more fulfilling.
Since I’ve created one, I now am perhaps spoiled and desire to create more than
one. Maybe it’s impossible.
Who knows? But I am open to the experiment and so I put it out there for the
Universe to deliver if it’s for the highest good of those who chose to
In our All-Charka relationship addressing our base chakra, my husband and I
support one another financially, emotionally and psychologically. We share life
and all our resources. We balance our internal masculine and feminine energies
through working through the difficulties we encounter in our relationship. We
take personal responsibility for our part in our contra tamps and resolve to do
better in the future. We express our wants, needs and desires, make behavioral
requests, settle on behaviors we can both agree to without giving up our
personal integrity and move through life to the next challenge which we realize
helps us define ourselves in relationship to one another. We recognize that
life’s challenges are gifts that help us determine who we are in the world and
focus more intently on what we wish to accomplish in our short dance on this
We share love, make love, give each other orgasms, make our lives blissful and
orgasmic by sharing sexually. We balance chemicals, release toxins, heal disease
and negativities, create maximum health and harmony. We set aside all other
things and create time for sharing love and sharing energy so that energy runs
through all our chakras and throughout our bodies releasing harmful emotions .
Our lovemaking allows us to access universal consciousness and divine bliss
through orgiastic states and kundalini rising.
We empower one another to be our best and to remember what we need to do to
fulfill our soul’s destiny. We discover why we were born and help one another
accomplish the goals our souls created for our life’s journey through this plane
We continuously move energy through our hearts, recognizing our loving
connection and the warm, intense feelings that reside there as we love each
other totally, unconditionally to the best of our human ability. We do this by
learning how to both give and receive love as we recognize that humans need to
feel both in order to feel complete.
We commit ourselves to transparency and our own personal reprogramming and
healing. Through our interactions and ongoing therapy we learn how to
constellate our own Inner Mothers, Fathers and Lovers through Imago and other
psychological processes. We use these tools to work through our parental
imprints we learned at our Mother’s breasts and take personal responsibility for
our own programming/reprogramming, cultural conditioning and religious
programming. We learn how to become emotionally mature and stop projecting our
stuff on to one another. We are accountable for our own mistakes and
shortcomings, refrain from blame and shame while learning how to navigate
through life with integrity.
We communicate consciously (as best we can), speak kindly with love. When we
forget, we gently remind each other and return to loving tones, energy, body
language and vibratory frequencies that harmonize and soothe each other.
We encourage our vision centers to create situations that serve one another and
all humanity, allowing us and the world to live and love in peace. We envision
our connection to the world and the Universe, remember that we are always
connected and that the illusion of separateness exists so that we can create
diversity and experiences. We realize that harming each other or anyone is like
chopping off our own hands and plucking out our own eyes. We dedicate our lives
to ahimsa, do no harm and return to love whenever we falter, get back on the
path whenever we are lost. We know that we can only get there together and
through loving oneness we are ultimately self serving. There’s no true altruism.
There’s only Self and that self includes all that there is.
So for myself, I seek those who are willing to share not only resources, sex and
love, but those who are willing to do life together, and that includes doing the
daily dull drums of life, along with its convoluted complexities guaranteed to
drive one mad, or at least to the point where arguments erupt. It’s easy to be
sweet with one another.
But even perpetual sweetness can become sickingly sweet. It’s not real. It’s
fake. It’s far better to be authentic, put all your cards out on the table, do
what it takes to get over it, move past the facades and embrace life fully,
including getting to know one another and more importantly, realizing who you
are by the feedback life delivers.
It’s far more difficult yet ultimately rewarding to be totally authentic with
all emotions, including the negative ones, and remain free of judgments and the
tendency to reject and run away. Yet to witness all in a multiple person
relationship structure or pod, with all its mirrors reflecting back, allowing
the expression of all emotions, including the difficult ones, creates the growth
necessary for transcendence. As we move to the point where each member can
accept, love, emphasize with and embrace their own disowned parts that are
projected out into the beloved who stands before them, is to transcend our
individuated, separate self sense, merge consciousness and KNOW that we are ONE
being expressing lives in separate bodies.
So to come full circle, many who try swinging switch to polyamory after a while
because they do tend to find friends and develop true relationships. But even
that’s not set in stone because life’s more complex than that. As people come
and go in our lives, be it in monogamous relationships or other open style
relating systems, we learn and grow from the experiences we have and as we
change, what we want and need changes with the cycles of our lives.
We find there are seasons, times to be alone, times to be in intimate
relationships and as life unfolds and people come and go, either through
breaking up and making up or perhaps through the most final way to leave, death,
we individually must redefine ourselves and make new choices and decisions all
along the way.
I had to face death, the ultimate, most painful of all separations recently when
my husband became very ill and almost died. Needless to say, that didn’t feel
good on many, many levels. But what I realized from that experience is that
personally I like polyamory because I don’t like being alone very much. Dealing
with the death of a loved one has got to be easier to deal with if you have more
than one partner with whom to share your grief.
Yet, because of my life’s path I can understand the entire spectrum of the
Poly/Swinging continuum. I’ve had a half dozen or so major relationships, three
of which resulted in marriages with a couple other live-in situations sans
certificates. I found my marriages and live-ins to be the most rewarding of all
my relationships, while at the same time the most challenging.
Living together is definitely the hardest. Having sex then leaving to manage the
daily business of life is less complicated but somehow, to me personally, not as
rich. Episodes just don’t do much for me. I need connection, continuity. When it
comes down to it, it’s all about personal preferences. Any way you chose to do
life is fine as long as you do it with dignity and a desire not to harm others.
From this point in time and my current perspective, I don’t get why people
meddle in others’ lifestyles and judge, look down their noses at other’s choices
and seem to think they’ve figured it all out and their shit doesn’t stink. It
doesn’t make sense. Life’s so rich, full, complete with a rich menu so diverse
and interesting. We need to eat it all to experience life fully.
My husband and I’ve counseled thousands, have seen many relationship born and
die and from what I observe, there are very few and far between functional
relationships. No matter what the relationship style, family structure or
orientation, statistically relationships fail across the board around the world.
I don’t think there are very many of us, rich, poor or from a particular
culture, country or religion who can honestly say they’ve found the way and the
light for creating relationships that enhance and enrich every member of the
relationship or in the family structure. It seems that someone in a family or
relationship always seems to struggle or suffer at the expense of others.
Alternative relationships exist and always have existed. Trying to fit everyone
in the world into one relationship mold serves no one and doesn’t respect
consciousness and our God-given free will as co-creators with Source. Judge not.
Emphasize with and feel our global family. It’s time to take a long, hard look
at how humans relate and make some major changes. Somewhere there’s a mixture of
free-will and human rights that respects consciousness, honors diversity, women,
minorities and physically challenged and encourages choice which allows each and
every one of us to live out our lives in dignity, grace, beauty and peace.
Janet Kira Lessin, Chief Focalizer of the World Polyamory Association, is a
featured presenter at the annual Harbin Hot Springs California Polyamory Conference
(http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com), July 29 -31, 2011.
email: firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com