SACRED MATRIX

I’M POLYAMOROUS by Janet Kira Lessin

This is my official declaration that I’m polyamorous. I’m polyamorous and I’m in
love with everyone. Yet I realize that love and involvement are two different
things, time is limited and relationships are complex, complicated and if
personalities don’t match, chaotic. So I must be selective.

I love myself, so I chose to be involved with those who’ll love and respect me.
I don’t always succeed in surrounding myself with those who treat me nice, so I
constantly fine-tune life adjusting those with whom I’ll permit in my personal
space. I’m learning about boundaries which I didn’t have for the most part in
the first half of my life due to abuse and programming.

Since my heart is huge and my chakras wide open, people project their disowned
selves on me and the good, bad and ugly, so I get a lot of drama and intense
emotions coming my way from others and elicited from my being. As a result, my
life is rich, intense and full. And complicated.

I’m a tantra teacher and psychotherapist specializing in relationship counseling
which creates a life so full of potentiality and possibility, I am in awe and at
the same time very busy.

My studies, therapy, internal processes, meditation, practice and self
reflection have led me to a state of samadhi, enlightenment. Yet as I write
those very words that I am enlightened (full of light), I judge myself and
attempt to censor my words and say to myself, “How can you be so vain?” And as I
criticize myself and call myself vain, Carly Simon’s song, “You’re So Vain”
plays in my head. Then I smile, laugh at myself for being human and I hear my
husband telling me, “Nothing in the human condition is alien to any of us.” I
realize the thoughts I think are probably thought by many of you. In the end I
decide to edit my words and now restate my revelation and say that I am
officially, “on the path.”

I realize I am enlightened in the aspect that I have obtained a state of grace,
an awareness and capacity to love each and every one of you totally, completely,
unconditionally. This state is a place we can all go to and eventually will get
to. From this level of awareness where we know we’re one, we’ll stop killing
each other, the animals, plants, environment, planet, water, land, air and
Earth. We’ll survive.

I woke up crying. Haven’t done that in years. It’s still dark. Only 5:30 AM.

I realize Jesus walked the world in this state of being in love with everyone
and everything. On one hand I’m not even sure of Jesus actually lived, was a
real person or just a mythical being, an archetype. On the other hand, I
remember an incarnation with Jesus. I was one of his wives and yes, he was
polyamorous. I died, pregnant, wasn’t able to give birth to his child. Once
again I want to censor my words. But I’ll just let them stand and reflect and
you can simply read them and digest, decide if they’re true or just judge that
Janet’s crazy or maybe on to something or on something or whatever. And that too
is ok because I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you all.

I wonder if this state of awareness will last. Will I still feel this way
tomorrow?

My husband, dearest beloved one is so poly and in his 70s, almost 71 now and
he’s actually made love with hundreds, maybe even thousands. Some still living.
Many dead. But he told me years ago, 13 in fact when we met, that he loved
everyone he ever loved and made love with. And while I believed him, I just
couldn’t quite fully grok it at the time. But I took it in and decided to open
up my then blossoming, just being birthed poly self and began to explore opening
up my body, mind, soul and being to more love.

It scared the crap out of my Inner Child. And it opened me up to more judgment,
rejection, projection and the worst of all, criticism. But I experienced,
reacted, reflected, rejected, wiped my tears, collected my pride, picked up the
remnants of my self esteem, did my therapy on it all, and amazingly emerged
relatively whole and unscathed despite it all.

Ironically, at a point where I’m currently living more monogamously than I have
in my 20 years of actively exploring polyamory, I am aware that I’m more
polyamorous philosophically, politically and spiritually than ever before.

A part of me is licking my wounds and feeling rejected. I’ve gained weight, I’m
aging and I can’t afford a face lift. I’m lazy, busy and can’t seem to get to
the gym. I’m stressed, too busy while at the same time in love, ecstatic and
blissed out. What a schism. Yes, that’s me, my life–complex.

So in the midst of such emotional turmoil and joy, I met yesterday with my
husband, a friend of five years and two new people and we all had the most
interesting conversation I’ve been blessed to be a part of in years. Reflecting
back on the moment in my dream state, I realized that I was in love with all
those people at the same time. We talked about the state of the world, 2012,
Earth changes, ETs, the environment and the fate of the polar bears.

In my dream I realized I was in love with my world and all beings. And in the
discussion it was said that polar bears are doomed because the ice caps are
dissolving. They’re going, gone, as witnessed in person by the two new people in
the group, fresh off the plane from Alaska. The glaciers are gone! Global
warming IS. And I want my polar bears to survive.

We talked about how humans destroy eco-systems. My friend of 5 years sits on
some planning commission boards here in Maui and they’re planning a development
and have authorized a system where they’ll inject toxins deep within the Earth’s
core to create energy, power for this new development. They have no idea what it
will do to the environment, but it will allow them to build this upscale housing
plan and golf course for the ultra rich.

BUT THEY DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT THIS NEW ENERGY SYSTEM WHERE THEY INJECT TOXINS
IN TO THE EARTH WILL DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????

But…. it solves their immediate problem so they can build this ultra deluxe,
super rich gated community.

And I think of the polar bears….. and the kodiak bears they’ve begun to mate
with. And the whales, and the fish, and the coral reef. And I’m in love with it
all. And I wake up crying. And my mind is screaming–I’m in love, I’m in love,
I’M IN LOVE!

We also spoke of extraterrestrials and making contact and the techno fixes they
might have for humanity. And I’m reminded of Jesus and always looking outside
myself for the savior to come down from the heavens and rescue us poor humans.
Then I think of the plight of the polar bears and humanity’s part in pollution
and poor choices that will probably lead to all our demise.

While we spoke of waters rising which are now being documented daily, the news
catches up with our conversation and less than 24 hours after being spoken,
thousands die from an earthquake and the subsequent tsunami created in Japan.
And Maui citizens were propelled from their low lying and ocean front homes and
tourist and resident alike spent a night of hell, island-wide warning sirens
blaring every hour till dawn. Maui was barely touched. But it sure was one heck
of a wake up call.

Earth changes, pole shifts, global warming, earthquakes, sinking shores, rising
tides, it’s all real. It’s happening. Planning commissions here (and most likely
elsewhere) still plan ocean front communities and resorts knowing full well
those places are going to be under water in very short order and many living
there will be killed.

So I wake up crying, saying, “I’m in love.” Yes I love you. And it dawns on
me that I am now truly 100% polyamorous, in love with you all, with it all, all
beings, planets, galaxies, good, bad, ugly–it ALL!

I realize every single one of us can wake up and remember, just like me, in the
twinkling of an eye like they say in the Bible. And in that precise moment, when
we wake up, the insanity stops. For if we’re in love with everyone, all beings,
all things, we will stop hurting, destroying and killing.

So yes, I’m Princess Leia and it’s my job to save the world. While the Death
Star (Nibiru, Planet X) is coming heralding the Earth Changes, 2012 and we’re
all going to die, in the midst of it all, I, we, all realize, we’re all in love.
Leia loves Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Obiwan Kanobe, Yoda, C3PO, R2D2, Wookie and
Jabba the Hut and they love her. Even Darth Vader is Father, and he’s now good.
Trumpets blare and we all celebrate. In love with it all, all beings, the
galaxy, we love and preserve it all so we all have a place to live, love and
learn.

With the world saved since we now all love each other and the planet, we want
the best for all beings. Whew! Now I can focus on me.

Now that I love myself again, warts, wrinkles, weight and all, I can weigh my
options. Who will I have in my life and my bed?

I look down between my legs as I write in my journal and my new kitty purrs,
warming my soul. So my new lovers will have to love her, of course. And Sasha’s
my Soul Mate, Twin Flame and Primary. Through past-life and inter-life
regression therapy combined with tantra, we remember we’ve been together since
of dawn of time through hundreds of lifetimes. We like being partners, sharing
lives and lovers.

So any who love me will have to love Sasha for Sasha and I are such an integral
part of one another. He is in my consciousness every moment and I in his. We
take each other into consideration in all decisions as if we were one being with
two heads. Certainly our hearts are one. And we’re Siamese twins connected at
the soul.

And I love this land, this incredible jungle paradise and my funky house that
requires so much love, care, maintenance and hard work. So those who love us
must surely love our Maui hippy home and will also love to work, toil the soil,
fix, repair and co-create conscious, sustainable community, a vision of Heaven
on Earth.

We await you, dear beloveds. We know you are there. We love you already. We know
you care. Will you awaken and evolve, so we desire to be involved? Will you love
enough to create a consensus reality where all are loved and feel it to the core
of their being? Think about it. Let us know. In the meanwhile, I’m in love. I
love you. I love it all.
***

Janet Kira Lessin, author of “Polyamory, The Poly-Tantra Lovestyle”, moderates
the panel “How We Do Poly” at the Harbin Polyamory & Tantra Conference July
29-31. See http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/
–
Janet Kira Lessin
1371 Malaihi Road, Maui, Hawaii 96793
janetlessin@gmail.com, janetlessin@aol.com
School of Tantra: www.schooloftantra.com, schooloftantra@aol.com
Temple of Tantra: www.templeoftantra.org, templeoftantra@gmail.com
Sacred Matrix: www.sacredmatrix.com, www.meetup.com/sacred-matrix,
www.sacredmatrix.ning