Loving Thy Neighbor: I have SEX WITH THE COUPLE NEXT DOOR. Should I tell my kids about it? by Emily Yoffe email@example.com. From Dear prudence: Advice on manners and morals in
Slate Magazine for June 23, 2011
I am a widower in my mid-50s with three grown children and many grandchildren. My wife died 10 years ago, and three years ago I moved into a new house. I hit it off very quickly with my next door neighbors “Jack” and “Diane,” a married couple in their late 30s with a now-7-year-old son. Our relationship soon became sexual and we are a three-member “couple.” Their son, whom I love dearly, has his own bedroom at my house and calls me “Uncle.” The problem is my youngest son recently lost his job, is in terrible financial straits, and has asked if he, his wife, and two young children can move in with me! I haven’t told any of my children about my unconventional relationship. My wife and I had a happy marriage, and we raised our children in a normal, loving home. Yet when I met the couple I am with, everything seemed to flow so naturally that I didn’t give it a second thought until now. Turning away my son in his time of need isn’t an option, but breaking off my relationship isn’t an option either. Should I keep the whole thing under wraps while my son and his family are here? Jack and Diane think I should be upfront and tell my son, but then everyone would know about this. Most people wouldn’t understand, and frankly it would be humiliating!
Can’t Stop This Thing I Started
Now that Big Love is off the air, I hope HBO considers the possibilities of a series called Uncle Bob, which tackles both polyamory and the burgeoning social trend of broke adult children returning home. Since you’re a loving father who won’t turn away his son, you lay out clearly your three options for how to proceed: put your threesome on ice; sneak around; come clean. But since you say you’re unwilling to temporarily retire from your trio, that’s out. And, frankly, your grown son’s financial debacle shouldn’t require you to put the kibosh on your romantic life, however odd. Sneaking around may seem like a possible solution, but consider how that’s going to work. Announcing, “I’ll be staying over the neighbors’ for a few nights so that all of you can have the house to yourselves!” is only going to raise suspicions, especially since little Jack Jr. has his own bedroom at your place. I’m afraid I agree with Jack and Diane: The best course is for you to tell your son. This means explaining that, unlikely as it may beand no one is more surprised about this than youyou are in a relationship with the couple next door. Obviously, say you aren’t going to go into the mechanics of this set-up, and you intend to protect his kids, as you are protecting the couple’s child, from the details of your intimacy. (I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that you are.) Explain that you are only revealing this aspect of your personal life because privacy is going to be at a premium, but you hope he can discreetly accept your situation. Sure, it will be a shock, but ultimately news of your personal arrangements pales in comparison with being in financial freefall. How sly of you to choose Jack and Diane as pseudonyms for your friends. John “Cougar” Mellencamp may have sung about a similarly named pair: “Oh yeah life goes on/Long after the thrill of living is gone.” But your Jack and Diane have found that a once-lonely grandfather is the way to bring back the thrill.
Learn more about polyamory, how to make it work win-win for all, meet and celebrate with potential new lovers: Harbin Hot Springs California POLYAMORY CONFERENCE July 29-30. 808 244-4103
POLYAMORY INTERNET VIDEO: Ask_Dr_Helen/Threesomes,_Foursomes or_More!__Why_Multiple_Partners_Can_Be_Great with Janet Kira Lessin & Sasha Lessin, Ph. D.
Love is Sex Is Love Is Sex Is Love Is Sex Is Love: A Dream by Janet Kira Lessin – June 21, 2011
Last night I dreamed I was writing an article on my computer entitled “Love is Sex Is Love Is Sex Is Love Is Sex Is Love.” The article explored the nature of love and its relationship with sex compounded with the definition of morality and what morality means to whom. Who is moral? Immoral? What is moral? Who creates morality? Who defines it? Mix it all up with religion and mores and values of our cultural conditioning. Add birth control, population control, conscious conception, procreation, abortion. The debate began.
While my head was spinning as we all were busy contemplating reality, along came ETs. They looked around the world far and wide for someone with a kind heart who could lead the planet. They found that person and surprise, surprise, it was I! I was the chosen one and soon I was made “Ruler of the World.” As Ruler I was expected to solve all the woes of the world. The ETs helped.
There were 6 mentors/guides for each human. Since there are almost 7 billion of us, there were 42 billion helpers. What a huge group effort. But the universe is vast, the Earth and her beings important, so they rallied around us for we are worthy of such love and attention. All assistants were ETs or from other dimensions and higher realms. We had 6 days to accumulate all the knowledge we gathered from all the people into a central database.
All humans of the age of understanding (basically all except newborns) were asked what made them happy, what do they want and like to do? Do they enjoy their relationships (sexual, family, work)? Was there anything wrong? Any improvements they’d like to see? Where would they live if they had a choice? What would their ideal homes or space look like.
These and many others, all kinds of personal questions were asked. All was entered in a giant database on a super computer, ready for the next phase.
Next a moratorium on all births was declared. All who were pregnant were allowed to come to full term. All others were temporarily sterilized until an evaluation could be made about the optimum population for each planet and the best population for each area on the planets. The rest of the planets in the solar system and even the galaxy were open for immigration. Those who wanted to breed and have numerous children could relocate.
All diseases including aging were eliminated. On Earth if you already reproduced yourself you could not have more children. When you reached the age of 18, you could apply for parent hood then go to parenting school and if you passed, could breed. If you wanted to breed and not raise the child you were matched with someone who wanted a child but could not breed or chose not to personally create a child. If you had multiple births, others who wanted children and could not have children or chose not to personally create a child could raise the extra child or children you produced. We realized that since we all were healed and basically physically immortal, we could no longer breed endlessly without destroying all.
All poisons, pollution were removed from land, sea, air. Safe ways of transport, like teleportation, time travel, gateways, stargates were created so travel from place to place was simple and safe. Highways were removed. Millions of miles of land were returned to nature.
Cities were more centralized with those who like to farm and be in nature trained and assigned to jobs like forest rangers, park rangers and farmers. All farms and all food was now natural, organic, safe and healthy. Since sex was primarily not used for procreation and all was known about every individual–likes and dislikes about people, sex, relationships, family, attractions, repulsions and more–people followed their hearts instead of programming and conditioning. All were given back their natural telepathic abilities so they now lived in a more transparent society. With transparency came honesty, authenticity, no more lies. Since there was no more sexual repression, violence faded away. There was no crime, hatred, racism, prejudice, war. ETs showed us the Universe is vast with endless intelligent races, species, life so prejudice proved to be silly.
We now only knew love. Money was eliminated. But in the interim we played with it. All were given $500,000 at the first of the year each year for a while. If you hadn’t spent it all, your account was simply returned to the $500k mark. All were given food, clothes, shelter, water, air, education, transportation, energy, interesting things to do. So we soon realized money was useless, had no meaning, no value, so we soon grew out of any need for it. It was a nice transition, very easy, smooth.
Religion seemed silly as the truth behind the history of it all was revealed. Fundamentalists could no longer inflict their beliefs on others for one persons rights ended were another began. Each was free, equal, men, women, children. All had free will, autonomy and were not limited by the families and cultures they were born into but could chose where and when to go. All practiced ahimsa (do no harm). Tantra, healing on all chakra levels, awakening kundalini, piercing the veil, reconnecting with GodSource and remembering who we really are as souls/spirits became the norm. We realized sex and spirit are one, love is the answer so the debate that started this whole dream was over.
We became enlightened, conscious, aware. We cared for each and every one of us. All were equally important, vital for the advancement of all of humanity and the totality of existence. Since we knew all were important, all genius, knowledge, information, ideas, imagination and wisdom from all ages was acknowledged and encouraged. Information freely flowed. All questions were instantly answered. Nothing was ever hidden. We wished, as a culture, to go beyond our current limitations so all we knew and all they (the other species) knew was openly shared.
Children were not circumcised nor mutilated for they were given free will and choice around their bodies and gender choice. At a certain point, perhaps 13 for the initial ritual and others at 18, 21, 30, 50 ,60, 100, a right of passage was initiated for each person honoring their lives and transition from childhood to adult and through life.
Since there were no more diseases nor accidental births, experimentation, especially sexual, was encouraged. As a result, humans reached new orgiastic heights and connected to GodSource and one another while embodied in third dimensional physical form. The revelations they had around sexuality, orgasm, energy, chakras, spirituality, interdimensional travel, astral, soul, spiritual travel expanded knowledge exponentially beyond any level previously imagined.
While there was still much more to behold, it was time so I returned to my boday. I awoke to the sound of the morning doves, my cat sweetly draped across my chest, purring softly. I’m sure more will be revealed again over time at night when my ego is put aside and I am open to receive more information from beyond, from my Higher Self and my Guides.